5 things that say: ‘I’m a Ballroom Dancer!’

5 things that say: ‘I’m a Ballroom Dancer!’

Sometimes I’ll have a moment when I catch myself out, and I think: ‘I’m a Ballroom Dancer’. It comes on all of a sudden and without warning.  Almost like it can’t be helped, it’s a natural response. But, I’m proud of being a Ballroom Dancer. It’s such a good way to be introduced at a cocktail party, work function or even when you meet the in-laws. People have so many questions!

I even feel like I’m in an exclusive club, that requires certain criteria for access.

There are typical things, like wearing black clothes, excessive use of tanning products or a tendency to dance past a slightly reflective window. These are all primary signs you are a Ballroom Dancer.

I believe, once you can tick the following 5 things off your list you can officially call yourself a: ‘Ballroom Dancer’.

Pringles Lids

You first of all stop eating any other kind of potato chip and you only eat Pringles. Not only because ‘Once you pop, you can’t stop’, but also you want the lids. No, you NEED the lids! So you can use them to hold dominates in when you’re stoning. They are the perfect size for your hand and you no longer measure stones on packets or gross, it’s how many lids.


‘I’ve just got to finish this lid… and then we can go to practice!’ 


You absolutely cannot be seen wearing thongs. Even in Summer. Even in the tropics. Your feet are hideous and no one should have to see that. No one. Squashed toes, fake tan stained toe nails and callus’s in weird places. My feet are so bad that I hate getting pedicures because of the judgement from the nail technician. I was once told that it would cost $5 extra to remove the acrylic off my toenails. I reluctantly told the nail technician that it wasn’t acrylic just a build up of tan and nail polish.  How embarrassing! I did save $5 though.

Socks and Thongs – Ballroom Dancer Summer option

YouTube Knows…

When you type the letters “S L” into Youtube and it auto populates: ‘Slavik Kryklyvyy and Anna Melnikova’. You’ve watched the documentary, ‘Ballroom Dancer’ so many times (You can follow the link HERE to watch the preview) the internet starts assuming that you also celebrate Russian Independence day and encourages you to buy vodka. All of a sudden you are attending and dance competitions in Hong Kong and only eating plain rice on comp days!

‘Plain rice, no sauce, no nothing!’

‘Ballroom Dancer’ – Documentary (watch it… it’s very good!)

Lessons as currency

So you’re at the shops and you’re about to buy an unflattering over priced outfit then you think: ‘I could spend that money on a lesson’. Perhaps you consider booking a trip to Bali – all expenses paid for a week, hotels, flight, transfers and buffet breakfast included or you could have 3 lessons with Donnie Burns when he’s in town. Lessons somehow become a currency that is worth more than the British pound… pre Brexit.

Extra strong hold

You go to buy one item for a competition, usually hair dye, and next thing you know you’re in the hair care isle. You look at all the hairspray varieties and wonder why? Why would you even bother getting a ‘Firm hold’, let alone one you can put a brush through. Honestly who wants to look like you’re an extra from an 80’s sit com?! It’s ‘Extra strong hold’ or nothing. Don’t even come near me if it’s a plant based product that’s good for the environment. I need shiny hair!

If you’ve got all these qualities… Welcome to the club.


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